Pimpgelion:Rei
by Noca
Summary: PIMP Gendo gives Shinji and Asuka a note, what hideous things have he shared with them inside the text? It's evangelion storytime in the bar where Gendo relizes how much he's missed Rei and her poker-playing turtles. How will the children defeat him!


Pimpgelion: Rei

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After regaining their energy in a sophisticated manor, Shinji and Asuka settled down. It's not everyday some sticky ol' man jumps through your window and demands...things... 

"Yo, wha the frico was dat? Was I not GOOD enough for him? What the frick!" said Asuka, indignantly, she was rather fumed that the pimp hadn't picked her. Why hadn't he picked her? Kill the witches!

Shinji collected himself, his eyes still screwed up, and gropes around blindly for his magazine with a dribble of spit descending from his chin.

"Idonwannasay Idonwannasay Idonwannasay", said Shinji, shaking his head vigorously and clutching himself to his knees. Still quirked up, Shinji opened the door and looked out to the steps, a tiny white letter with gold letters sat on the cold cement. It was woven tightly with a rubber band imprinted with black spots. The paper of the leather was rather, SHINY, and sent chills up Shinji's spine. He bent over, holding the bottom of his skirt to his bum, and read.

"That pikachu is pimp sexy! Ehm. Yo wassup my pimp sista! Ya gots ta hear ma story of me life. oka! This is meh essay on how babies are borned! When two people love each so much, or ah very hornet, they have smex. Smexy smex. No teh kind you buy from teh store! So like meh said, my pimp dad was paid to junk up me mom :P"

Judging by the odd, dotted letters and fancy cursive, it was a telltale sign that they were being pursued by none other than...Pimp Gendo.

"Was dat, meh pimpen brotha?" said Asuka in a scratchy, high voice. Her right eye was violently twitching, as she reached out and grabbed a cockroach with her tongue and devoured it.

"Hello, frenchies!" said a voice from the showers, I mean, -ahem- shadows.

"AH!" they both said simultaneously. Shinji grabbed a toilet scrubber and propelled himself through the air and onto the streets. But alas, one stood before him, Kaji.

"Oh, eet eees you", said Kaji, his voice was somewhat similar to a foreign Mexican dude, the ones that ride those donkeys bareback through the nights of Columbus.

"Yo yo yo, embryo, all we want is fun, then we'll be done!" Pimp gendo sang to Adam.

"And here is something special for the little ones, said Gendo witha screech.

This is a story decimated to my mom, William

"Ah geha a gena a gena ageh agehna agena ahean Athenian!" this is the sound of knights on their horses. Or is it? No! It's gay men drinking pot on a Thursday!

"Agehan agenah! Now what the heck is that?" Three pimp gay men sand and drank pot. Wait, you don't drink pot. What is this marigold liquid that they are devouring? ehhhh...

A second man bellowed out from the darkness " Meh, I wrote me first story in second grade, when I was a wee kinder pimpchild. Me mama sent meh to teh dance. Bleh. I raped the punch bowl and decided to write me first novel! Isn't it smelly?"

The third man yelled out,

"Oh Romeo Oh Romeo! Where out thou thy Romeo!" the Juliet pimp gal mumbled under her breath. "Screw the lines! I'm finding meh a real pimp! A smexy one who tells jokes!

"Oh Juliet! You are the east and I am thy north!"

"Ahh how rude, pimp man. Ya send meh to teh east? And ya live in the north? Ya don't' love me no more!" Psmexy Juliet and her pet potato chuck walked away.

"Well screw you Juliet! Meh don't' need ya! Tell ya papa's and mama's that teh can keep the DAMN SWIMMING POOL I lent ya"

"What swimming pool?"

"Teh one with the 'vibrating' water!"

"Oh that! I broke it!"

"Screw you Juliet! I never want to talk ta ya against! Unless we get together for forever! Hey, where's me Unit -01?"

Gendo Ikari flinched at the name, "Unit-01". He quit Nerv last week, they were all a bunch of suckers and liars, and they took his frilly pen away. He didn't like them at all, not at all. And he had to get away from that perv, Riksuko. They weren't pimpin over there anyway, so he quit. And then cried. He missed his Rei. She was very dear to him, but he had lost her, and could not find her, like Romeo and Juliet. Well, not really. But he had to find her, to reach her. Angst. Angst. Angst. He knew things about her, strange things. Weird things.

For one, Rei Ayanami was a shy Puerto Rican pimp gal with blue hair. She LOVED money and shorts, and she didn't like shorts. Weird huh? Anyholes, I mean whoos, she LOVED everything in the world that had to do with Wicky Wapp. Wicky Wapp was a stuffed turtle who'd name was Wicky Wapp. Wicky Wapp one day decided to get up and rape her. She cried and cried until he or she gave up her cool jean shorts. He had confided this unto him...

Sob, angst, sob, angsty angst.

Thus empowered, he runs down dat street o'NEW YORK CITTAAY! as a changed man. Some blue-haired prostate walks up to him an says " Yo, cuz it's a pimpin dye job, yo. Ya like?"

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End file.
